You try to ask something of a friend and they don’t get it.
You want to hang out with your people and ask them about some awesome plans you’ve made. The day of, they change plans claiming, “You didn’t answer my last text about going over to Alex’s house first.”
No wonder it’s so hard to talk to them. You can’t even agree on when to hang out.
The next time you are together, your friends think you should be able to pick things back up, as if nothing happened. But, you are upset about what happened and their comments to “get over it” because “it was just a text” makes you feel worse.
Now, you always feel like you bring the mood down. You’re kind of a “mood killer,” they say.
You can be on the phone for hours with your friends, and get nothing out of it. You feel like you’re just there to validate them. You’re there to make your friends feel good.
You’re always super out of the loop. Everyone is excited about the new TV show that just came out, and you haven’t heard of it. It’s just another thing that keeps you feeling more distant.
You just feel like your friends don’t realize how much it takes for you to show up pretending to be okay, when it’s not. It’s exhausting for you. But you would never want to hurt their feelings and tell them that.
going to a therapist instead and wish you could get that time back. Or maybe you haven’t gone to see a therapist but you’ve considered going, because everyone loves their therapist these days. They are on a first name basis with their therapist. But you know that’s like $1,500 per minute and they don’t even get up out of their couch, let alone out of the building. Do they ever leave their office?? Do they have a life??? Or do they just live vicariously through yours??
You could rent them at least, no cost there. You think there is a library nearby, although you’ve never taken the time to get a library card. (Do you still need proof of your address for that??)
You could also get them from Amazon, that’s a possibility. But who wants to have 50 self-help books on their shelf when they finally have friends over. They will REALLY be wondering what’s wrong with you… or you’ll realize they need more help than you.
Afterall, it’s totally cool to go to the movies alone. Everyone’s done it (haven’t they?). And you really like cooking for yourself and having leftovers the next day… and the next… and the next. It’s good for the environment.
It would only take you a few minutes to realize that life might be better living in a cave. You could at least go all in saving the planet by living off the grid. No one would bail out on your super cool themed trivia nights anymore because you don’t have an address (or cell service). There’s no way for them to reach you. Can’t complain about what you don’t have.
And while you are at it….. Sitting alone in a cave, playing trivia, off the grid, the thought occurs to you, “Why didn’t they just teach you this in school??”
You might think that only an undercover spy could possibly know this much about your life (why didn’t you cover up your laptop camera with scotch tape sooner??)...but in fact,
Not spying on your life, but we’ve been there because it’s happened to us too.
Our question was, what could a social scientist and educator do about it?
In this 5 part online video course, you’ll learn:
You could actually be around your friends without feeling upset, defensive or like people are judging you.
In two weeks, you know what to say in a situation so you feel like your plans are respected, heard, and even enjoyed by people who enjoy them too.
In four weeks, you’ll show up to a conversation and say what you need to say so you can be seen for who you are.
In four months, you might plan a weekend trip to the beach, spending time together and enjoy it. You might go on a camping trip with friends and three of you sleep in a two person tent because that’s how close you want to be around them. Either way, you’re surrounded by people who want to be around you.
A year from now, your sister and you purposefully buy matching shoes and are proud to wear them, because they remind you of her.
“Thank you so much for being you and doing what you do. You couldn’t have explained it all any better...you make it so much easier to deal with and understand.” - A. E.
“Before I would just stuff it and not think it through. I feel that I’ve made huge strides.” - J. N.
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Available until November 18.Get instant access